My apologies for being gone so long. My issues with my back are slowly resolving and I am grateful for all of your prayers! Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts as I continue to recover. Now on to the good stuff!
I fear this last and final post of "Here I Am" may be somewhat
anti-climactic. As I mentioned before, I cannot tell you about specific events
that took place during my walk without ruining the experience for those of you
that have yet to take that step.
What I can do is tell you how I felt while I was there and what the
experience has done for me.
The first night there I remember being completely at ease in a room full of
people I had just met moments before. Instead of being focused on myself, I
looked at each individual wondering what brought them to this point in their
lives. Are their stories anything like mine?
It’s important for us to always remember that everyone has a story. Everyone
has felt pain, dealt with tragedy or struggled with some sort of demon in their
lives. It’s also important to realize that if they have not taken these events
to Jesus it is very easy to get lost in that pain and fear.
People often act in ways they otherwise wouldn’t when carrying such burdens.
As the weekend began to unfold the stories of my new sisters did as well. It
was a pivotal moment for me to see that these beautiful and priceless creatures
of God, my sisters in Christ were every bit as broken as I was.
In that moment I realized I wasn’t alone in my struggles with the flesh. So
much of my life I have tried to live with one foot in this world and the other
foot in the spiritual world. All this does is leave you in a state of
confusion; constantly at odds with yourself and others.
Wow. That is a huge revelation. That knowledge becomes much of my focus
after the walk. Perhaps at some time it will be the focus of another blog post,
but for now the thought is tucked inside my heart for further review and
contemplation.
The following days of the walk were absolutely amazing. Again I will refrain
from telling specific events but I can tell you that I have never felt the Lord’s
presence as I did during that weekend. It was so overwhelming at times all I
could do was cry.
How can God possibly love me? And this much? Talk about blessed! God made
me! My identity that I had so selfishly and blindly struggled with over the
years finally became much clearer to me. My identity is in Christ!
My past evil doings no longer mattered. Things done to me were becoming a
blur as well. I have never in my life felt so forgiven, so loved, so blessed
and so cleansed.
There is much time spent with your new sisters during the walk, but in your
time alone with God…with Christ and the Holy Spirit…words fail me. I shared
everything I could think of with the Lord. Every ugly and dark action, thoughts
and feelings that I didn’t want weighing me down any more.
The Holy Spirit worked through me and I could feel His love…His forgiveness… It was like a tidal wave. It hit
without warning and washed over me
.
If you have never experienced His amazing grace, you may not be able to
relate to that. If you have, you know exactly what I am talking about. Amazing.
That became my word to describe the entire walk. So much so my sisters told me
I really needed to extend my vocabulary! But I was overwhelmed and the experience
truly was amazing…
As the closing festivities came to an end and my new sisters and I parted
ways I couldn’t help but think about the verse in 2 Corinthians 5:17. The NIV
translation says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has
come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
I was now the new creation. The old has gone, the new is here. Hmm… I know
this doesn’t mean I will
automatically do the right thing or even know what the right thing is. I know I
will continue to struggle with the flesh as everyone does. I know there are
many old ways of thinking that I need to put to rest.
The KJV of the aforementioned scripture states it a little differently. “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old
things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” All things
are become new? Does that mean we are always in a state of becoming? Hmm… I like that.
Now…to get that other foot out of this world and join the other foot in the spiritual world.
That doesn’t seem such an overwhelming task any more. I know I will stumble. I’m
likely to stumble a lot. But I’m not alone. I have my new sisters to encourage
me. And I have Jesus, ready and waiting for me.
That thought makes me smile. O.k. Lord. You win, as you
always knew you would. I’m ready to embark on this new adventure with you. I’m
ready to follow you, wherever you may lead. I’m ready to let go of whatever
causes me to depart from the path you have laid for me.
In all my sinfulness I’m ready for you, Lord. Do with me
what you will because Lord, here I am…
