"Here I Am" Part 3

God and I have had our fair share of chats over the years and this topic was no exception. He was not allowing me to let this go. Fine. Great. Sometimes I think God is actually amused when I am being sarcastic. 

I resumed my search and somehow I ended up on a different site this time. It basically said the same thing, it was just a different Emmaus Community. For no obvious or apparent reason I started to really get excited about this. “Lord, is this the one? You want me to go here?” At that moment I absolutely knew without a doubt I was meant to be on the women’s walk #34 with the High Plains Emmaus Community.

Haha! Now we are rolling! Surely I can fill out form, enter my credit card number and wham! I’m in! Tsk. Tsk. When will I ever learn? Not only did God want me to be on this walk, He also wanted to be a part of the entire process.

You can only attend this community’s walks if you have a sponsor. A sponsor is someone that has previously been on a walk in this community and taken the sponsorship class. Fine. Great. I know no one. Now what? Feeling a slight nudge here…

Now sometimes I can be a bit hard headed, but yes I did see a pattern emerging. Time to hit my knees again! Now I don’t mean to imply that I have never prayed before this or never trusted God before this. But I will tell you that I had never completely surrendered before this. My prayer went something like this. “Father, if it is truly your will that I go on this walk, please place someone in my path that can sponsor me. In the meantime, Lord I just pray that you will prepare my heart to accept and understand everything that You want me to get from this experience.”

He did not disappoint. But He sure did not make it easy either. I posted on Facebook to see if any of my friends knew anybody that knew anybody that could sponsor me. I would get leads and get excited only to have them fall through. It happened several times and I was getting discouraged (oh ye of little faith Matthew 8:26).

I also posted on my Facebook account several times my pleas for prayers from all my Christian friends concerning this matter. Talk about blessings. Reflecting on this now I do believe our good Lord above wanted me to see just how many beautiful people He has already placed in my life that absolutely love Him and by extension of His grace, love me. Wow. What a lesson. To look for the blessings in the disappointments.

Prayer time again. I said the same prayer as above and then added, “Lord. Thank you for these people that you have placed in my life. Thank you for guiding me and loving me. Please examine my heart. I want everything ugly out of there. I need to make more room for Jesus. I need less of me and more of You.”

Prayer life is a wonderful thing. I like to document what I pray about. It helps me to remember that God always answers and He is always faithful. You just have to listen for His voice and get rid of your own preconceived ideas of how things should be or work out. Although my situation had not changed, my attitude about it certainly had. It was as if God Himself were sitting in chair across from me saying, “Don’t worry, Daughter. I have everything under control. Just trust me.” And so I did.